Earlier this year, I applied for grants for a memoir about my writing journey. It was a last minute decision. I would usually spend a lot more time on an application than just a few days. But I kept wiffle-waffling on whether I should apply or not and I finally just decided to go for it.

The grants that I’ve applied to in the past were for my short story collection. Alhamdulillah, I was successful with every grant program that I had applied to for that project. So with all the experience I’ve had in putting together grant proposals, it wasn’t too challenging of a task to apply for a new project, even if it was in a different genre.

I was able to finish everything before the deadline and I was feeling confident about my application. I felt like I had made a strong case for why my writing memoir was a meaningful project and the impact it could make. The fact that I was able to finish it in time and submit it several hours before the deadline felt like a good sign to me that I would get at least one or two of the ten grants that I had applied to.

Fast forward three months later. I got zero grants.

I was, of course, disappointed. Even if I rushed on the applications and my writing sample wasn’t as strong as it could have been, I still thought I had a good chance of getting something.

The only thing I found consolation in was reminding myself that my rizq is in Allah’s hands. What was written for me would never be prevented from reaching me. And what was not written for me, would never reach me.

After those rejections, I left the memoir aside and instead, focused on querying agents for my collection and working on some picture book manuscripts. Since last month, I’ve also started working on a novel.

I’ll be honest, querying agents has felt like a slog.

While I love reading picture books and enjoy writing them, it’s hard to get into the flow of writing when I’m working with less than 700 words.

The novel, on the other hand, is something that I’ve been wanting to write for six years.

The idea of the story came to me after I read “An Ocean of Minutes” by Thea Lim, which I loved. But at the time, I was still writing short stories and I wanted to complete my collection.

The idea for that novel though, never left me. I would write snippets of scenes on Post-it notes and stash them away in the drawer of my writing desk. One day I will write a novel, I would tell myself, even as I felt intimated by the thought of it. I’ve only ever written short stories. My longest story is 11,000 words, nothing near the 80,000 words of an average novel. I hadn’t learnt anything about plotting, about novel structure, about pacing, about what kind of story it even takes to sustain those 80,000 words. Everything about writing a novel felt scary to me.

But lately, I had been feeling like I really missed writing. Being able to sit for a while, immersed in the flow of a first draft, following a character and discovering what haunts them, being surprised by the things they ended up saying and doing, gasping at the plot twists, I missed all of it.

I loved writing short stories and I was ready to start writing adult fiction again. And this time, I knew I had to just start on the novel. Six years was long enough. How much longer would I wait?

I still feel awkward saying “I’m working on a novel” but I’m finally doing it, alhamdulillah. And what I’ve realized is that those grant rejections actually opened the door for me to finally start this novel.

If I had gotten any of those grants I had applied for, I would have had to work on my memoir project this year. And I don’t think writing a memoir would have given me the time or the creative capacity to also be working on a novel.

I know this theoretically, but to witness those rejections as a redirection has been so gratifying, alhamdulillah. And I truly believe that for all of us writers.

If you’ve been disappointed by a rejection recently, or the next time you face one (unfortunately an inevitability in the life of a writer), ask yourself, If this rejection is a redirection, where do I go from here?

The answer might not be apparent to you right away, but sooner or later, it will come. And inshaAllah, you’ll come to see the value of those rejections too. Because a ‘no’ to something can be a ‘yes’ to something else.

If you’ve had similar experiences, I’d love to hear them. Please hit reply and share. And if you’re struggling with a recent rejection, let’s talk about it. I’d love to hear from you too.

With best wishes & duas for your writing,

Hajera

Here's how I can support you in your writing:

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